A tip from the trenches of a large and growing family...

Just one tip today.

Don't worry about socks.
There is no time to match and fold socks and track down socks.
If they care they will go through the basket and find them.

Buy the same color and style for pretty much everyone.
Get them at the Fred Meyer holiday sale on Black Friday for cheap, stuff them in stockings at Christmas and then don't sweat it when you find lonely socks under the trampoline, in the car, corners of the bathrooms, in kitchen cupboards, tangled up in bedsheets, thrown in the trash, fallen behind the washer, stuffed in the storage compartment of the big wheel, buried in the sandbox, falling out of the diaper bag when you just needed the wipes, ... oh, I've gotten carried away.

I only fold socks occasionally for my husband. On his birthday. Because it makes him happy.

Invest in summer flip flops for all the children.
This will increase your level of sanity immensely.

And if you are truly lucky your mom will come over about once a year and help you match all the socks in the towering mis-matched sock box and stock your whole family up on matched pairs for at least three months. And you will love her SO much.

Read this.

Not my words. Hers.

https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/worldwide-devotionals/2016/01/becoming-the-person-you-were-born-to-be?lang=eng

Sister Wendy Nelson hit the nail on the head for me in this address.  I understand that the greatest benefit of suffering is the desperation.  Being desperate leads us to do bigger things, whether they be marvelous or nefarious. In the case of someone with righteous desires the test that brought us the desperation leads us to do and learn marvelous things. I'll be enjoying this talk many times!

How to Pray

How To Pray?
I don't know.

But I'm learning about the process.

First I'm learning that it is nice to pray for what we want. That the Lord will ALWAYS listen to our prayers.  We will often feel peace through prayer no matter what we are asking for, and that He is always there. But, I'm learning that His design is not to give us what we want.

I'm learning that if you want your prayers to be granted that you have to find out what the Lord wants.
How?  You have to ask Him what He wants.
So now I don't pray for things. It's more like a question session.  Kind of like Nephi when he spoke to the angel in his vision and the angel asks if he knows the answers to a lot of different questions.  His response is something like- I do not know all things,  but I DO KNOW that the Lord loves his children.
I find myself declaring the utmost desires of my heart (I want to do the right thing, to follow His plan,  to align my will with His ect...) and then plead for understanding and ability to know what He wants me to do and to want whatever that is.

Sometimes I don't want to pray at all. Sometimes I just have no idea what to say- I mean my heart has a continual prayer in it, a pleading cry for help and mercy and strength and everything else that we need on a daily basis... but He already knows that. He knows the thoughts of my heart.  So what is there to say?

 I just make myself get down on my knees and then say something like "I don't know what to say. But I know thou lovest me. Help me please."

It is miraculous how the right things to pray for come to my mind. And I feel good about asking for those things because I feel they were impressions put there by Him in the first place! I am much more confident that the things I am asking for will be granted because I am starting to understand as they come out of my mouth what the Lord's plan is for me.

His design is not to give us what we want.  It is to give us something better.
Having faith in the "better" that I cannot yet see is the great challenge.

Time Flies.

Time. Flies.

I feel like an old person when I say that but I can't believe how true it is.  The older I get the faster it flies (unless I am in the last month of pregnancy when it slows down to approximately the same rate as it did when I waited for Christmas as a child.) My kids are aging faster, the holidays cycle sooner and the seasons I love never last long enough.

Some things that have happened since our sweet Canon came into the world-

We have watched him grow and get deliciously chubby.

We enjoyed another year in Boise with our family nearby. Lots of get-togethers, easy summer evenings over bonfires, family firesides and watermelon.

I started medication, started feeling a LOT better and in general began to feel like a person again.

We experienced a huge change in employment. This was a really long story but didn't necessarily turn out to be a good thing. And we began to feel tested in different ways.

Also I stopped homeschooling any of the kiddos and everyone started public school. After a lot of prayer we felt there were lessons to be learned for all of us from this experience. Looking back it was exactly what was needed- a change of pace, more routine and a chance to experience new forms of life lessons.  The schools were good and wholesome- our dinner discussions were different but still as rich. We were blessed with wonderful teachers.

I felt the nagging of another soul waiting to join our family. I didn't want to be pregnant again. I also knew that this feeling wasn't going to go away. Also, it was thrilling to think of another new person being part of us. Also I new our family wasn't complete. Also Sean knew it. Also- this was going to take a big big big deep breath.
Also we found out we were expecting right around Halloween.

We had an amazing Christmas!

Then we had another change in employment. I turns out we were getting too comfortable in our home town and it was time for an adventure. We took some more deep deep breaths and moved to Nevada for the new job opportunity. (This was a very hard move.  We left a huge bunch of people we loved and an amazing ward. We cried. A lot.)

And we found adventure all along the way.  This is easy to do when a simple thing like pine-cones-as-large-as-your-head elicit this kind of reaction.

We celebrated this guy's first birthday.

Even though we have gone through a lot of hard things this last year, my mind is continually brought back to the tender mercies along the way.  This pregnancy has been MUCH easier.

Every day brings with it challenges. It seems like the Lord compensates for so many of them through the delight of children. Granted the challenges are often the young children themselves but then you get that hug or that sloppy kiss or see them knock out their own challenges and balance is restored.

That about catches us up to the present day. See you in the next post.

Worst post ever. Best post ever.

The worst post ever part:

Here are some quick updates to what has happened in our family since my last post about expecting baby #9.

It was the worst pregnancy ever.  Reading back on the post about the announcement I realize that I called that fate out to the universe.  But seriously, it was long and laborious and from the moment the test said positive I had the fire burning in my pelvis and the weight of the world on my joints. My skin was so sensitive to touch, my shoulders ached from sleeping on my side, my back ached from sleeping on my back...  it was impossible.  I gained more wieght than I ever have in a pregnancy before and ended up using a wheelchair to navigate any outings. The last two months I was non-existent at church.  That wore me down in a lot of ways.

Now the best post ever part:

And then... just when I thought this would never end and I couldn't even remember what I was doing it for,  we made it to the temple.  Sean's recommend was expired so he sat in the waiting room for a few ours feeling sheepish-  the session was not very full and I had a front row seat. I tearfully prayed silently- expressing my desire to be the mom I needed to be in spite of these challenges.  I also asked for direction in choosing a name.

I look back on that experience as such a sweet moment of affirmation and peace.  The Lord truly blessed me that day with a vision of who was coming to our home, what we should name him and how he would be a blessing and a light to us as his parents all of our days. I loved my time there but couldn't wait to meet up with Sean again. As I recounted my experience in detail to Him the spirit washed over both of us anew and confirmed the things we were learning to our hearts.  We were amazed to consider the name we were told, to look up its meaning and be awed.

A few weeks later we met this mighty soul for the first time.

All is well in the world.

Siblings who are friends (most of the time).

A few months ago I was writing for a blog called How Does She. It was a good experience for the most part and the blog still exists, but I am no longer writing for them. There were a lot of different reasons why but they aren't really very important. What is important to me is the content that I wrote. There were two posts that I felt impressed to write- at the time I was feeling like I should start writing more on my personal blog about these things but I didn't do it. So today I post the article I wrote about helping your kids be friends. I feel it is important information for any size family and want to make sure it isn't lost in cyberland.

 After all, this blog is about what I believe- and this is one of those things. So here goes, a recap of the post:) 

How to make your home a friendship factory -give those sibling rivalries the boot!

As famous as sibling rivalries are, I don’t know any parent that relishes them. Most often they are viewed as the side effect of having more than one child. While I agree that often these rivalries are produced from circumstances outside our total control, I do believe we can have an influence on them. In fact, I believe it is our duty as parents to insert ourselves into these rivalries and diffuse them as much as we can, teaching our children through the experience how to diffuse conflict in any life situation. Though it is most effective if begun at an early age, here are some methods I have found aid in diffusing rivalries between any age siblings and turning your home into a friendship factory!

1-  Make memories, relive them often. Make a good memory and then totally exploit it. Make a point to put up pictures of your family or the two kids who get on each other’s nerves the most having fun together and being friends. Remind your family at opportune moments of that time so-and-so said “_____” that put you all in stitches. This may be from a great vacation had together, the afternoon where everyone got along and threw leaves on the trampoline or just that time your brother stepped on a mouse in the dark, squealed like a girl and hung onto you for dear life…  It will bring a smile to everyone’s faces and remind them that they are friends.

Can you hear the choir singing? Oh, its just me as I frame this image and                                                 post it life size in their room to remind these two they had a lot of fun doing this together.

 2- Make family playlist. Maybe a favorite song from each person? All Disney? Oldies? Best dance beats? It’s your call- but make it and pull it out when you work together. Our dishes soundtrack not only motivates us and the kids to work faster and harder to get the job done, but creates some show-stopping kitchen moves as well. In short,  It makes work fun. If you can have fun playing AND working together- that’s even more memories being made. In addition, every time they hear those songs wherever they may be- good family memories come to mind. WIN.

Having fun while sweating it out together moving sod.

3-  Let them help each other. As helicopter parents, many of us struggle with the idea of letting someone else heal our child’s owies- but what if, just what if- we allowed sister to kiss it better this time. What if we sent brother to the rescue? Not only does the sibling gain sympathy for others in pain but the trust between siblings grows. The one being helped learns to trust that sibling more, the one on the helping end gains the satisfaction of being needed in the family and the empowerment of filling that need well. (This may have to be a bit scripted the first few times, ie: “Natalie it sounds like your brother has fallen down, will you go help him? He would love a hug from you.” Then follow her. Encourage her to help him up instead of waiting for you to do it. Now help brother along “oh look! Natalie was worried about you! Isn’t she kind, that hug feels good, say thank you Natalie…” Wrap them both in your arms.) In my experience, both parties usually walk away feeling more love toward each other. You can hug on the injured party all you want when this exchange has concluded but usually they skip off to play together.       If your children are older it might sound like this- “Emi, Olivia really had her feelings hurt by her friend today. Remember when that happened to you last week? Maybe you could give her a hug and help her feel better since you remember how it feels…”  Take the opportunity to put some laundry away in the room they are having this conversation in (haha, sneaky momma) and listen to how it goes. Have an idea of something they can do together to renew their friendship with each other as an immediate follow up.

How to make your home a friendship factory, give those sibling rivalries the boot!

  4. Eliminate sarcasm.  This can be hard if it is the main form of humor in your home, but generally it promotes hard feelings. Encouraging sincerity can be such a powerful tool to bringing more love into a home. A good way to start is to encourage sincere compliments toward each other. Perhaps you can make a game of it but however you accomplish it- promoting sincerety promotes trust. When siblings can trust each other and parents, (who can often be guilty of instigating this type of humor) they have a chance at forming sincere friendships. Eliminating sarcasm is like taking all the questions in a relationship and throwing them out the window. All that is left are the sincere, unquestionable respect for each other.  An that’s good stuff right thar’.

The first hate note I saw at our house. “Mom is mean”.  It obviously didn’t hurt my feelings, but I                     still talked to her about how notes we write should always be kind.

5.  Don’t put up with anything that would make someone feel bad. The first time I saw a note on the door of a bedroom forbidding a certain sibling from entry, I immediately pulled the bedroom owner aside and asked them how they would feel if a friend at school put a note like that on their desk- forbidding you to come near. Or how would they feel if dad put a note like that on his door about them? How do they think the sibling feels? When sympathy is established, address the concern- (“why do you want him/her to stay out?” Answers usually include something like ” he gets into my stuff,” or  ” they barge in while I’m dressing” etc… Address the problem ie: put the most valuable possessions in a safe high place, arrange for a lock only to be used during dressing times… Come up with a solution together emphasizing the goal of making that sibling feel welcome/valued AND, respecting the problem of the bedroom owner at the same time.

At the same time, get rid of influences that make putting someone down (especially a family member) look funny. There are a number of TV shows that glorify “coming out on top” with the best comeback, punchline or funniest insult. We make a special effort to blacklist these forms of entertainment.

Throwing leaves is a perfectly acceptable form of entertainment!

Increasing our children’s sensitivity could be argued that you are setting them up for a lifetime of hurts in the world. I like to say that this world needs more sensitive people who throw out less hurt to others.  When they recognize behavior that is rude towards others or themselves, they will know to walk away from a damaging relationship, or jump in and act as a friend to a victim. Being sensitive to the feelings of others will make our homes more peaceful, and in the wise words of Miss Congeniality, ultimately lead us to “world peace”.

This looks like the beginning of world peace to me :)

"Nooooo" Baby.

   Who doesn't love a "noo baby" as Amelia puts it. There are perks to knowing what your course is, and trying for a baby was the most immediate perk on our journey.  ( Sean was dedicated to "doing his part" as he referred to it haha.)
   We are expecting! The Lord is merciful and loving. Although I know a hard pregnancy is in order I also know that He blessed us to start that path quickly so I could move on to medicinal healing quickly too.
   I found out while we were at our family reunion, the timing was right and I was hoping for a positive so I had brought a test with me to take on the last day... Hallelujah we are on our way! I feel the accelerating of the arthritis everyday and hope that with this pregnancy comes some sort of remission. I have been told that it happens for many women, but I have been pregnant before and not too long ago at that! many of my worst complaints during the last pregnancy feel a lot like arthritis does now, so who knows... I remain optimistic.
    Sean absolutely glowed when I told him. I recall vividly telling him when we were expecting our oldest , sweet Emeline, and his joyous reaction. Every announcement since has been met with even more joy as we have come to understand that blessing that parenthood is. To be a mother, a father, to be co creators with God and part of the miracle of life. These blessings are better understood now than ever before. We shared the news with our family immediately. Amelia wrote me this note soon that day and I texted it to my mom and sister as the announcement to them. My due date is March 31st, 2015. I love spring babies!!