Benefits of Suffering

  Are there any? Elder Bednar talked about "spiritual traction" in his conference address last Sunday. He talked about a man who was drove his truck in the mountains to gather firewood, and the truck got stuck.  He was waiting for help and decided to fill the back of it with firewood while he waited. The heaviness of the wood actually gave him the traction he needed to pull out of the rut he was stuck in.
     Yes.  "Absolutely Yes", I thought. Trouble turns our hearts to God. My trouble gave me a bit of the "traction" I needed to fulfill goals I had made long ago and not yet fulfilled. Goals concerning temple attendance, making my study more meaningful and increasing my intensity in prayer.  These are things for the last few years every conference I would feel the prompting to do. They were new year goals that were made with enthusiasm only to be with enthusiasm again six months later.
    The traction of my load is exactly the motivation I needed to get me out of that rut.
 I WANTED to know what the Lord's message of healing was.  I wanted to know how to pray and ask for it. I wanted to know what the most right thing to do right now was. Which led me to wondering if asking to be healed was even an appropriate question to ask.
    SO then, how to you know what questions to ask?  You can see how the level of questioning changed when it became so personal to me. I began studying healing.  But the study didn't stop there as I gained momentum. The temple and scriptures mean more to me than ever before as I have discovered more answers and... more mysteries:)
    I sometimes feel guilty that it took something as drastic as RA to give me traction,  that I couldn't seem to generate it on my own...  but when I am calm, I know it has been a tender mecy from the Lord,  helping me to finally break out of the monotonous six-month-leaf-turning-tradition!
     What better way to remember than to suffer?  Remember the prayer rock we made in primary? The one that you put on your pillow so you'll hit your head on it at night and remember to pray. At which time you will toss it on the floor and stub your toe on it in the morning and remember to say your morning prayers?   Pain.  It stays with you. And every morning when I wake up and my feet and knees ache and I don't want to stand up off the bed and do the fancy "ouch" walk to the bathroom, I remember to pray. And I worry that if I were healed right now,  it would all go away and I would lapse into my state of carnal security again, forgetting who enables me to take the steps I need to every. single. morning..
     This is why I am beginning to understand the benefits of suffering.
     I'm moving on!  New goals,  new challenges.  I will not be held back by my disobedience to the commandments I have always known I should follow any longer!  I have a constant reminder,  PAIN!
Its a benefit of suffering. I want the doors to open to more growth, more knowledge,  more confidence in the promises the Lord is bound by when I am obedient.
     And when I feel confident that I have gained the habits necessary,  perhaps I can honestly ask for healing and really want it to come.